


come back (be here)

by doughnutwhore



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, I MISS HER SO MUCH, supercat, takes place after cat leaves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23034718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doughnutwhore/pseuds/doughnutwhore
Summary: "this push and pull game that we’ve had? i'm tired of it. i've ran to you and i've ran from you. i've cried and i've been angry. there's no point in reliving all of that now. you told me that you love me. do you know how long i've waited for you to say that?”alternatively: in which Kara sends messages to Cat until they finally talk about how they feel about each other
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Cat Grant
Comments: 23
Kudos: 223





	come back (be here)

**Author's Note:**

> title from taylor swift's masterpiece
> 
> also shoutout to ana. thanks for reading this ahead :)
> 
> *work of fanfiction. no copyright infringement intended.

Cat is somewhere in the mountains when she receives her first text message from Kara. Well… The first after leaving CatCo. 

It’s a short one, all of three words and three yellow icons that she fondly rolls her eyes at. Honestly, Kara. Emoticons? 

She focuses on the words instead. Lets it twist and break her heart. 

I miss you too _,_ she sends back. 

Her second message comes in the form of a picture. It’s an article with Kara’s name on the byline. Another picture. This time of Kara, watery eyes and a smile so radiant that Cat regrets ever leaving. 

She sends back her ‘congratulations’ and a promise of treating her to an unhealthy amount of food when she comes back. 

She knows that it’ll never come to fruition, though. Or at least not in the near future. Not when she’s trying to get Kara out of her system. 

It’s a windy day when she receives Kara’s third message. It’s a good morning quote with a picture of a puppy. It makes her smile. She doesn’t respond to it. 

Cat is sleeping soundly when her cell phone buzzes underneath her pillow. She thinks about throwing the damn thing across the room but then stops when she sees who the message is from. It says:

‘The stars look beautiful from your balcony. I miss looking at them with you.’ 

There’s a stabbing pain somewhere deep within her chest, twisting and twisting until she’s certain that whatever’s in there is bleeding. 

Her fingers act before her brain can think of telling her not to. 

‘I miss that too, darling.’

She’s on a sun lounge on a beach in Maldives when her phone goes off. It’s Kara. She doesn’t pick up. When it finally stops ringing she sees the notification on the screen. 1 voicemail, it says. She closes her eyes when she plays it. 

_I want you here, please._

There’s a strangled kind of sob at the end of the message that tears Cat apart. God. She wants to be where Kara is too. Wants it more than any prize or precious treasure. But she can’t want that. Kara is too good and too pure and Cat would only taint her. 

She walks from the beach to her suite, sits on her empty bathtub and listens to the voicemail again. 

She doesn’t get a message from Kara until a month after. She’s in Metropolis with Carter when her phone pings. It’s a picture of another article. Front page this time. Her heart soars with pride, and she waits for the other picture to come, the one that has Kara’s face and her happy smile in it. It doesn’t come. She sends a ‘good job’ that doesn’t get a response. 

It’s the middle of the day wherever Cat is when Kara sends a new message. It’s a simple ‘I made a friend’. She doesn’t say who, but Cat’s heart reacts violently at the statement. 

It’s a few weeks after when Cat realizes who Kara was talking about when she meant friend. She doesn’t get a message but she sees it on the news. Lena Luthor and an arm snaked behind Kara’s back, smiling for a picture at an L-Corp gala. Kara’s hair looks longer. Her smile is brighter. And God. She still looks like the only person Cat wants to come home to every single night. She wipes the tears away from the corners of her eyes before they could ruin her mascara. 

‘Lena spoils me so much!’ comes the caption. It’s a picture of a dozen or so boxes of pizza and a Chinese takeout bag that Cat is sure contains boxes of potstickers. She frowns, imagines a world where she’s the one spoiling Kara instead of that Luthor girl. Imagines Kara’s eyes shining brightly for her, thanking her, laughing because of her. She doesn’t realize that her hand is shaking until Carter mentions it. 

An earthquake strikes New York one afternoon while Cat is strolling Fifth Avenue. The quake doesn’t last long, nor is it of a great magnitude, but Cat still finds a text off Kara that says, ‘I heard about the quake. I hope you’re safe’ and an emoticon that Cat can’t quite tell if is sad or anxious. Maybe a little of both. She sends a quick reply. ‘I’m fine, Kara. Thank you.’ Her phone rings a few seconds after she sends the message. It’s Kara, of course it is. Cat doesn’t pick up. 

She’s on a date, because yes, Cat is still perfectly capable of enjoying an evening with someone else that isn’t Kara. Or at least that’s what she tells herself when she takes another too big gulp of wine. She’s trying to listen to her date regale about his expeditions around the world but the words keep coming out of her other ear. When her phone pings on the table, she tells him that it’s from her son. It isn’t. It’s a message from Kara. 

‘TMZ says you’re on a date with some rich European traveler. I hope you’re having a grand time’.

It’s passive aggressive and Cat hates the way it sounds in her head. She excuses herself from the table and heads to the restroom. She dials Kara’s number.

“What was that?”

“What was what?”

“The message you sent me.”

“I told you to have a good time.”

“I can read between the lines, Kara.”

“Can you?”

She doesn’t know what to say, can’t say no because that would be a lie, and definitely won’t say yes because it’ll only start a conversation she doesn’t think she can endure. 

“I have to go,” is what she settles for instead. 

“Of course,” and then Kara hangs up on her. 

It takes all of her willpower not to cry. She marches back towards the table and tells her date that her son needs her even though he’s cities away. Once she’s safely inside her car, she sends a subtle threat to Harvey Levin. 

It’s a few hours after when she’s opening a voice message from Kara. 

_Just tell me you don’t want me. Please. Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll stop holding on to you._

Her heart breaks a thousand times over. She can’t. She wants Kara, she just can’t say it, not if she wants both of their hearts intact. Another voice message.

_Cat. I love you. Come home._

God. The way the words come out of Kara’s mouth like she’s meant to say them. The way they fit perfectly on the holes of Cat’s heart, filling her emptiness. She listens to the goddamn message over and over again until she falls asleep, eyes rimmed red and heart heavier than when she left. 

She plays the message when she wakes up. 

She plays the message when she’s breaking down in the bathroom.

She plays the message when she’s trying to eat.

She plays the message when she’s crying herself to sleep. 

She doesn’t hear from Kara again for a year. 

It’s been a year and a few months, and Cat thinks that she’s gotten better. She doesn’t look for Kara that often, doesn’t think about her most times, and every time Kara does manage to get into her mind, Cat can easily divert her attention somewhere else. 

She’s better, she reassures herself, until her phone pings and her breath gets stuck in her throat when she sees who its sender is. 

She’s just gotten off the plane, back in National City for the first time in a year. The message reads:

‘I can hear your heartbeat. Are you here?’

And then she’s back to being a mess. A whole year and Kara still knows what her heart sounds like. 

She wobbles a couple of times as she walks towards her car. 

Kara is on her balcony when she gets home. Her hair is down, wisps of it flying with the soft National City breeze. She’s leaning on the rail, her back to Cat. She doesn’t have to turn around to know that the older woman has just stepped through the front door. 

Leaving her things by the door, Cat walks towards the open space overlooking the city. It’s when Kara turns around that Cat realizes she’s not fine at all. 

Deep blue eyes stare longingly at her, hands that seem to twitch with yearning, and a mouth, god, a mouth that still fuels Cat’s deepest fantasies. 

“You’re really here. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want you to think that I was back for good.”

“I don’t care if I only have a few days, Cat. At least you’re here.”

Kara takes a step and Cat freezes. She can’t.

“Kara.”

“I missed you. I know you missed me too.”

“We can’t.”

“You can’t, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t want to.”

“Please. Don’t make this harder for the both of us.”

“Why do you keep pushing me away?”

“You deserve so much more than me.”

“You’re the one that I want.”

“It’ll pass.”

It’s the cruelest thing that Cat has ever said to anyone, but she has to say it if only to safeguard Kara’s heart. Still, the pain that flashes across Kara’s face is enough to haunt Cat’s every waking moment. 

“I hope one day when you find yourself wanting someone who cares, someone who loves you despite all of the pain that you could possibly inflict, you remember this time when you chose not to be with me. Because for the record, Cat, this is not me leaving you. This is you pushing me away.”

And then she’s flying off and Cat doesn’t dare break until she’s sure that Kara’s far away. 

She doesn’t hear from Kara in the week that she’s in National City. 

She doesn’t hear from Kara when she gets back to Washington. 

She doesn’t hear from Kara when the news announces her as the new White House Press Secretary. 

It’s been months now and Cat should be happy that she’s getting what she says she’s always wanted. 

Freedom from Kara. 

Except there isn’t any freedom at all. No reprieve. Nothing even in this silence. 

Kara is still ingrained in her mind like something that Cat just knows without having to think. Like pushing up for air after staying underwater for too long. 

Her fingers itch for her phone, ears desperate to hear it ping or beep or chime, eyes longing to see Kara’s name on the screen. 

But nothing ever comes.

“Whoa,” Carter gasps as he continues staring at his iPad. 

He’s with his mother for the week and Cat is glowing with him, ecstatic to be spending a quiet night with her son. 

She’s slicing up a few vegetables for dinner when Carter bounds up to her, turning his gadget around for Cat to see. 

‘Lots of Love for Lena Luthor’ the headline announces. 

She doesn’t have a clue as to why her son is showing it to her. Lena Luthor can choke on a salad and she still wouldn’t give a damn. But then Carter is sliding his finger up the screen and showing her the rest of the article.

And then there’s something slipping, blade breaking skin and blood trickling down on the chopping board. 

But nothing registers.

She’s passive when Carter helps her clean up. Silent as she’s being bandaged. Unaffected as she waves the news away like it doesn’t mean anything to her. Like the picture of Kara and Lena kissing on the sidewalk means _nothing_ to her. 

It’s only after dinner when Carter has gone to bed and Cat is nursing her fourth glass of wine does she deign to break down. 

There’s a nip on her hand that should hurt, but all Cat can feel is something shattering inside of her chest.

It’s restless nights and endless Scotch after Carter flies back to National City. Red rimmed eyes burning holes at one damned cellphone, still hoping it would ring and tell her something important. Something that she knows she doesn’t deserve. 

She buries herself into work. It doesn’t soothe her one bit.

She still hasn’t gotten anything off from Kara. 

It’s been a month. 

She’s going insane. 

_How have you been?_ She presses delete. 

_Has Snapper been kinder to you?_ Delete.

 _There was a dangling modifier in your last article._ Delete.

 _I’m sorry._ Delete.

 _I miss you._ Delete.

 _I wish I wasn’t a coward._ Delete. 

She puts on a show in front of everyone. Cat Grant, Queen of all Media, now Cat Grant, Oscar worthy actress. Even Olivia doesn’t sense her inner distress. No one does. Not even Carter. 

Two months. Nothing.

Three months. Nothing. 

Four months. A message from Carter. He’s sick and can’t fly to Washington. He’s asking if she can go to him instead. 

‘Of course’, she types back. 

She would do anything for Carter. Move heaven and earth if she can. Breathe the same air that Kara is breathing. Be in the same city as her again. Break her own heart. All for Carter. 

She steps down the tarmac and waits for her cellphone to ding just like the last time that she was in the city but nothing ever comes. The disappointment feels like a stab to the gut and Cat should really be used to it by now. She did this to herself, after all. 

She feels a little better when she sees her son. His dad had driven him to Cat’s penthouse so they could spend the weekend together. It’s nice and she’s happy, until she hears the sirens blaring down on the streets. A fire in the building a block away from her apartment. 

The logical part of her tells her to stay indoors, but Carter wants to see what’s happening, and Cat is curious enough to stand on the balcony with him. 

That’s when Kara zips past. Golden hair in blue and red and so _so_ glorious. 

“Look Mom,” he gushes. “She’s amazing.”

And Cat has to fight back tears because she knows, she thinks so, but Kara doesn’t know that. She probably never will. 

Olivia doesn’t want her to come back just yet. “You deserve a break, Cat,” she’d said over the phone. “It’s just a week. We can manage without you. Spend some time with your son.”

Cat should be grateful. She is. She wants to spend as much time as she can with Carter. If only she doesn’t see Kara flying past her building every now and then. 

She visits CatCo one day. It’s a surprise to everyone. People knew that she was back in the city, for a week at least, but they didn’t think that she would visit. She’d never visited before. Hence the dropped jaws and the hushed gasps when she sashays into the bullpen. 

James is on his feet the moment that he hears the familiar staccato of Cat’s high heels.

“James. I see that you’re keeping my empire standing,” she says as she enters the fishbowl. Nothing has changed in the office. Everything looks the same. “You didn’t redecorate?”

“Kara wanted to keep things as they were.”

She hides the pain behind the curl of her lip. 

“And why is that?”

James shrugs. “Well, she always believed that you would come back to what you loved.”

That hit her like a truck. Or a freight train. She can’t even think of a cliche for what she feels. 

Feeling her throat beginning to constrict, Cat simply nods. They talk business after that. A much safer topic. But his previous words burn in her brain until she’s leaving the building. Until she’s sliding into the back of her town car. Until she’s back in the comfort of her penthouse. Until Carter has fallen asleep and she’s starting to sway from the sheer amount of alcohol running through her veins. 

She blames that sentence for spurring her into action. Blames James for that statement that has her gripping on her cellphone and pushing the damn thing on her ear, listening as the other line rings and rings and rings. 

And then

“H-hello?” 

God _,_ Cat has missed that voice. 

“Why are you calling me, Cat?”

“You know why.”

“No. I don’t.” She sounds exasperated. “I honestly have no clue.”

“Kara.”

“What?”

“Don’t make me say it. Please.”

“What, Cat? I don’t know what you want from me.”

 _“You. I’ve always wanted you,”_ she whispers and Kara hangs up the phone. 

It’s not a minute later that Kara is landing on the private balcony of her bedroom, dressed as herself, eyes as red and tired as Cat’s. 

“Fuck you!” Kara spits and Cat knows that she deserves it. All of the blame. All of the anger. “What the fuck do you want from me, Cat?” 

Her voice is a hiss, raw and wrathful all the same, and yet still mindful of the sleeping boy in the other room. Cat’s heart clenches violently at the thoughtfulness. 

“The last time that you were here you pushed me away. Now what? You _denied_ me, Cat. So what the hell do you want from me now?”

All that comes out of Cat’s mouth is a sigh, exhausted from the weight of her cowardice. And Cat knows that she can’t go on like this. She’s tortured herself enough.

“I came back to what I love,” Cat says, repeating the words that had haunted her since that morning. It’s a whisper, almost inaudible but crystal clear to someone with super hearing. This time she dares to look up at Kara’s eyes. Those sparkling blue orbs filled with unshed tears. “ _Who_ I love.”

She doesn’t anticipate the full four steps that Kara takes to reach her. Doesn’t expect the solid arms wrapping her in the most desperate embrace. Could have never predicted the tormenting sob that escapes her mouth. 

But god does Cat feel. And she feels everything. From the warmth of Kara’s arms to the wetness of her cheeks. From the relief that comes with her honesty to the frantic beating of Kara’s heart against her chest. 

“You love me?” Kara whispers.

“I always have, Kara. I was just too terrified to admit it.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m old and I’m bitter and you deserve someone who is kind.”

Kara pulls back and Cat thinks that she’s never seen anyone so breathtaking. Even in tears Kara is still the most beautiful. 

“You can be kind.”

“I can’t be young. Lena,” Cat’s mouth trembles. “She’s young.”

“But she’s not you.”

“But you and her -,”

“Are not dating.” 

“But the pictures? You were kissing on the sidewalk. Carter showed me.”

“A miscalculation of angles.”

“And the other tabloids?”

Kara rolls her eyes. “You were a gossip columnist, Cat. Surely you know how the rumor mill works?”

“So you and Lena were never together?”

“No.”

She doesn’t know how she got here. In her bed. Forehead pressed against Kara’s chest. The moments had blurred after her confession. Not that she’s complaining. 

“I’m sorry,” she says. She thinks that she’s said it a million times tonight already but Kara deserves every apology.

“I know.”

“How are you not angry?”

“I am. But I’m also very tired, Cat. Aren’t you? This push and pull game that we’ve had? I’m tired of it. I’ve ran to you and I’ve ran from you. I’ve cried and I’ve been angry. There’s no point in reliving all of that now. You told me that you love me. Do you know how long I’ve waited for you to say that?”

“That doesn’t erase what I put you through.”

“No. It doesn’t. And we will talk about that. But I’ve bent myself backwards waiting for you, Cat, so now that I have you can I just hold you?”

Cat wakes up later than seven for the first time in years. Kara is still beside her when she does, staring at her like she’s something so precious. She thanks whatever stars have been looking out for her that the previous night wasn’t all just a vivid dream. 

“I flew home and changed while you were asleep to give Carter the image that I arrived in the morning. I told him that you called me because you were feeling sick. You don’t have to get up yet. I’ve had him driven to school.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” and then… “Do you want me to stay?” Kara asks and Cat knows what it means. She’s asking permission. Validating if everything that had happened the night before still means something now. 

“Yes.”

They spend the day talking, addressing each other’s concerns and answering each other’s questions. Cat opens up to Kara like a flower in spring, spilling all of her secrets, all of her fears. And Kara listens. 

They cry. Of course they do. Because it hurts and deep down they both know that things need fixing. One night holding each other won’t magically repair the damage that Cat had caused. So they promise to try. Cat promises to try. Promises to be honest from now on when it comes to what she feels. Promises to confess her insecurities and let Kara soothe them away. 

She’s always going to be scared. 

But then again she’s always going to love Kara anyway.

So a compromise is made. 

And then at the end of the day when they both feel like they’ve said everything that they needed to say, they kiss. 

Cat doesn’t think that anyone’s ever kissed her like this before. This thoroughly. It’s passionate and warm and gentle and forceful. It sends her floating into the clouds but also manages to anchor her to the ground. It’s everything that she wants and yet more than she could have ever imagined.

When Cat leaves again, she promises to come back. She promises to come home. This time Kara doesn’t have to worry about waiting. 

  
  


**Addendum:**

It’s the middle of the day in National City when Kara’s phone buzzes. She’s swamped with work but the name on the screen makes her set aside everything else. 

‘I love you,’ the message reads. ‘I’m coming home.’


End file.
